From violence, pain, and suffering globally to the illnesses and harm in our own communities, it’s difficult to know what to think or do as adults, let alone how to talk about it with kids. Unfortunately, not talking about the bad things going on will neither protect children nor help them to handle these events.
Just like with talking about the scarier parts of the Bible, there are ways to speak to kids on their level and find meaning together. When talking about scary stuff in the Bible, contextualizing it both in the Bible and in history, as discussed in our blogs in July and August, can help decrease some anxieties about it happening today. For talking about parts of the Bible like the crucifixion, it’s helpful to name power and values involved and to remind kids of God’s ultimate life-affirming gospel message in language they understand, as theologian Pace Warfield does in this Tiktok.
When mass tragedies occur, such as a school shooting, genocide, or violence in a religious community, most children don’t need a lot of details to understand what happened. As an ELCA pastor especially, the Sunday after the shooting at Mother Emanuel Church by an ELCA member, I knew I needed to talk to the kids and community. Before worship, I touched base with parents of the upper elementary and middle school kids who were present to let them know I was planning to talk about it. Then during the children’s sermon, we looked at pictures of the victims and talked about them. While looking at the pictures, the kids guessed on their own that the shooter had been white and had killed the people because they were Black. In the predominately white congregation I was serving, that made it possible for us to talk about racism and white supremacy and how they cause harm without traumatizing the children.
While this doesn’t work at every age, it is helpful for kids who understand the vague concept of death or killing, as most do by late elementary and middle school. Also, at any age, if you’re talking about something that could happen to the kids, even if the chances are slim, it’s important to let kids know which grown-up to go to or what to do in order to ease any anxieties that will likely arise. For younger kids, talking about violence in terms of being mean and hurting or not protecting others is helpful. In any situation, focusing on why violence might happen and what can be done both to care for those who are hurt and to stop or prevent it from happening again (without victim blaming) helps kids have a sense of control and stability while also helping them understand what is happening in the world and how they can make a difference.