What do you do with a kid at a funeral? Do they come to the visitation? Do they stay for the lunch? What about going to the cemetery?
No matter what a family chooses to do, the day of the funeral can quickly turn into a long, long day for kids, and a trying day for parents and caregivers. Caring for young children while carrying your own grief is an incredibly difficult season to step into. As churches, as a congregation member, as a church staff and leaders . . . we can help! Gather these few items into a bag to help the youngest among us in a time of big feelings.
Drink water and eat a snack. Include a small bottle of water and fruit snacks. (Fruit snacks are a great allergy-friendly option for most kids.)
Take a deep breath. Offer some bubbles! Blowing bubbles requires a deep breath and focused air that helps regulate a body.
Have a big or little cry. Travel-size tissue packs are just the right size for kids that need a little (or big) cry.
Write or draw, Move your hands. A small notebook, pen, and fidget toy help keep hands and minds busy. Choose a quiet fidget toy that can be used during the funeral service without disturbing others.
Move your whole body. My home church is lucky enough to have an outdoor playground, but it is tucked behind the back of the church. If visitors come through the front door, they may not see the playground or know that this is open for all kids to play and enjoy! If it fits for your congregation, include a picture of your playground–or even a map!–so visiting children and families know this is an option for them.
Hold onto something special to help you remember. We purchased small angel ornaments at a very reasonable price. We wrapped them in tissue paper so it feels like the kids are unwrapping a gift just for them in their care kit.
Understand the funeral service. A Time to Say Goodbye: A Booklet for Kids about Funerals is a resource that helps kids understand what is going on in a funeral service and helps them explore their emotions when a loved one dies. Slipping this bulletin into your care kit can give a child the chance to participate in a service that they otherwise might not engage with at all.
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Feeling inspired? Here are a few more suggestions to help get you started on your Funeral Care Kits.
Again, it’s not hard to assemble funeral kits, and it’s not too terribly expensive. In the midst of grief and heartbreak, a quick snack or toy for a young child could make a big difference. On these long funeral days, little things can make a lasting impression–for kids, parents, and caregivers.
Funeral Care Kit Supply List